Why I Chose My Job

Fear.  

My whole career path has been chosen by fear.  Fear of failure, fear of not making enough, fear of being looked down on.  Ninety percent of my choices in my job decisions have been decided by fear.

I went to university to study English to become an editor and writer.  My fourth year of college, I had an internship in publishing and was hired by the company full time once I graduated.  It was such a relief.  I didn't have to worry about finding a new job in a city that really only has one big employer.  I didn't have to face the uncertainty that comes with having a bachelor's degree but no job to call my own.  I was set in the field I had chosen to go into.  And naturally, I realized it wasn't what I wanted.  But it was safe, and it was familiar.  So I stayed for a year and a half before I made the one unfearful choice in my career.  I landed a job in an entirely different field.

I've now been here for a little over six months.  I love my job, I'm starting my master's degree in education to work my way up, and I truly enjoy what I do.  But I realized that these decisions are still based on fear.  The fear of going out of my comfort zone, of trying something truly hard for me.  

I've figured out what I want in a career: a steady paycheck, reasonable hours, and the ability to help people. I thought I had figured out what that meant, and to some extent I still do, but part of me still isn't sure because if I were completely honest with myself, I would still say I want to be an editor and writer.

But I'm scared.  I'm scared of not getting enough money to live to my standards of comfort.  I'm afraid that I will get bad reviews and comments and that I won't be able to handle that criticism.  I'm nervous that I would work so hard  but still wouldn't be able to think of anything to write. 

On the other hand, I want to believe that fear makes for a more passionate and fulfilling career.  Having fear on your side is a powerful motivator as long as you don't let it consume you.  Being afraid of failure can help drive you to success.

I guess the point I want to make is this: I love my job, my colleagues, and my city.  For now, this is where I need and want to be. But I want to remember that what drove me here first was fear.  And I want to remember that it's okay to takes risks and try something I find fearful.  And maybe one day I'll go back to my childhood dream, my passions in high school and college, and become a professional editor and writer. And hopefully, if I'm lucky and work for it, I'll be able to find a way to combine my career choices, career advising, writing, and editing.

   

I learned a lot about myself and my goals by playing it safe and I hope one day I will learn a lot by taking a risk.